trouble is her only friend

I want to scream. I want to throw things. Yes, I'm in a lovely mood today and yesterday wasn't any better. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I've been really mean and easily irritated for a couple of days now. Maybe it's just the lack of sleep; I've got some time off from school, but my family members make sure that I don't get to sleep in the mornings. Idk.

I've also been crying a lot lately. I'm beginning to suspect that I really have that seasonal affective disorder (SAD!), because I never cry during the day time - just when it gets dark outside. I keep thinking stupid things like loneliness and how I'm never going to survive from my next school period and these kind of thoughts keep me awake at night.

I can't believe it's December already.

Once again I noticed how much my life revolves around school. I had only two classes today, but somehow I managed to spend almost nine hours at school. I had fun with some really cool people, but now it feels like my head is going to explode. I slept only four hours last night, my sleep pattern is really messed up.

Okay, I'm starting to think that I actually have dementia. I thought that I have a day off, but apparently I haven't. Fortunately I got a text message about that.

My life's really boring right now. I'm waiting for holiday to start.


 

I found my old diary yesterday. It was kind of embarrasing and cool at the same time. Reading it also made me miss my friends. There were so many "love you"s and "hope we see again soon"s, nobody writes me things like that anymore. I know that my friends still love me, but it is nice to hear (or read) it sometimes. Maybe I should say those things more often.

I love weekends. ♥

The exam week started and my first exam is on Friday (social studies, ew), so I have two days off! It's like a weekend in the middle of the week. Finally I have time for my friends. ♥ (and I can watch Criminal Minds, yay!)

This morning I spent an hour doing my hair and make-up, it was fun. Then I put some music on and danced, I bet I looked silly. Especially when I hit my head on the lamp. 


( it's cool, but you don't even know me )

I had one of the most boring days ever, I swear! I had only two lessons, but that was enough to make me all sleepy. But it's Friday, so I guess it's ok to be a bit tired. After all, I just had matriculation exams.

This weekend I'm going to sleep, eat, sleep, eat and maybe watch some Criminal Minds (I fell in love with Reid AGAIN). And write a letter for my teacher about this writing course I have (KIL5, my "diploma work" course). So I have like two (or three) days to decide what do I want to write! And I can tell you that I have no idea right now.  

So, I've got this terrible flu and decided that I might not be a superwoman after all and stayed at home today. I already did some of my maths homework and wrote an English composition, so I figured I could relax and rest an hour or two. Maybe watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy or something. Or maybe I could just take a nap. I cannot remember being this tired.  

I'm so sorry for not updating this (or my other) journal. My life is boring and I have been feeling empty. Though I'm not sure if that is the right word to describe it. Maybe indifferent would be better. But anyway, I'm not sad or anything, I just have this feeling that right now I'm bad company because I have nothing to give. 

So, my life revolves around school. It's okay, I like school and I think that I'm gonna survive this school year after all. Of course I have to study a lot, but I can do that. It gives me something to think about. It was nice to see people after summer, but like I said, I'm feeling a little bit odd and I don't have any good friends in school, so right now I'm really focusing on my studies. Every conversation that I have had this week has been about school, tiredness or food (it seems I'm not the only one who's hungry all the time). Yeah, I told you my life is boring.

 

I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe my hair doesn't look so bad after all. Yeah, the colour is rather odd, but I have had worse.

( random )

 I have read a lot lately. Now I'm reading this really addictive book called Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters. First I thought that the main character was annoying and silly little girl, but now I just love her.
"Tipping the Velvet follows the glittering career of Nan King - oyster girl turned music-hall star turned rent boy turned East End 'tom'." 

And speaking of brilliant books, if you haven't read The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, you should! Zusak's Death is one of my favourite narrators ever. I read it in Finnish and it was funny, I was like "omg, I can actually understand every word". I should read more in Finnish.

"What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."
-Meredith Grey

I just wanted to tell that I love Grey's Anatomy. ♥

Last night I had a dream about John Smith (from Disney's Pocahontas), a bear, pineapples and my friend Mia. It was really weird. And I do not watch too much DisneyChannel. 

I'm going to the library today. Have I mentioned that my brothers are annoying? Because they really are. And intolerant too. Sometimes I can't believe that we are actually related. But then I look into the mirror and yes, I really look like them. There goes my brilliant theory about being adopted. Sad, isn't it?

It's too hot outside! Even when the sun isn't shining. But I shouldn't complain, better too hot than too cold if you ask me.

Today I went to the library after saying goodbye to Kiia-Riikka. She left for a confirmation camp (I don't know if that is a right word for it) and won't be back until next Monday. I'm going to miss her. But anyway, I went to the library and actually studied. It was fun and I thought that I really should do that more often, since I can't study here when my brothers are home. Annoying little things they are. And their friends! They just laugh at everything or play PlayStation. Or both, if I'm really lucky. 

Weird, last week was really busy and now when I finally have some time for myself, I don't know what to do with it. If it wasn't this heat, I would go for a run. I think some of my friends are going to hate me now, but I say this anyway: I really like running. Hah. Who would have thought?